After a long break with holiday, work and TEDx speech (more details to come) I am sure you cannot wait to read the final part of the pickup advice.
So… what are the ultimate pickup advice? When I started this whole research/ experiment I had the same question as many men around world. This last part of the pickup advice is my favorite. It’s not only about pickup but also how you can navigate your life. It’s beyond pickup.
- Never let her control you or have the upper hand.
Men are built to be masculine, and that’s attractive. Men’s inner desire is to have the upper hand – always. That’s masculine. For some reason, when you give the control to your date/ partner-to-be, they won’t find you as attractive as when you are in control. This is contradicting, as often women want to manipulate or control you. It’s attempting to give in. You may think: that’s love. But no, a real man will not. Many love tragedies start with when a man wants to give everything to her.
Pickup artists know this. And they say that you should intentionally create confusion sometimes to keep her guessing and thinking … of you. You always have the upper hand.
- Improve testosterone.
The science behind dating: the male hormone makes a man attractive. And you don’t need to go to hospital to get a special shot for that. Many things you do can help to generate testosterone naturally. For example, take more risks. The general rule is: if you are not sure (what to do in dating), always take the risk. What can go wrong than being badly rejected? Failure itself is stimulating for a man to be more competitive and you generate more testosterone. You become more man!
And competitions – in all kinds of forms: play a game, do sports, have a competitive job – can help to increase testosterone. Interesting to mention, the corporate competitive culture probably create more testosterone in women than what’s good for their feminism. Modern corporate world is very masculine oriented. That’s why I don’t believe we should force women to go to the top.
It turns out that the act of sex itself is stimulating to create more male hormone 🙂 This sounds like a good option for those who really have no access to sex, lol. But you need to get started somewhere with sex. Don’t be the old virgin… like me. I am not pushing you to find the easy girls, but don’t get stuck with the idea your first experience will be the best. Check out my early blog “why sex matters”.
- Super layback mentality: everything is fine; this is nothing.
Dating skills come with practice, just like all my discussions in part 1 of the PUA advice. All skills in life come with practice. And the right mentality to learn as fast as possible is to take every moment as a practice, don’t be too serious on any outcomes. We’re just learning!
Maybe you have heard about “growth mindset”. And I am talking exactly that mindset for dating. Don’t be hanging on the failure, no matter how emotional it is. I’ve had many hart-breaking stories. And I wish I had this mindset to begin with. Those were much more enjoyable only if I could remind myself: this is nothing! Just part of learning! In 10 years, I will only laugh about it or do not remember at all!!
- Get your life style right.
Some pickup artists spend so much time in pickup and there are not much other things they do and they truly enjoy. That’s an empty life. A life only about pickup is pathetic. There is so much out there other than sex that can make us fulfilled and happy.
The pickup world has changed from pickup lines/tricks focused to more and more life style focused. PUAs learnt from experience that focusing on changing your life and your own has sustained impact on dating success, often much more than the tricks and short-term gain.
I won’t go into details on how to build a great life style. Some life style aspects are passion, hobby, health, etc. Those should take a higher priority than pickup.
The essence of the above advice is to help you to gain true confidence and enjoy a more fulfilling life. Those who get the best out of pickup often don’t just focus purely on sex. Instead, they focus on higher goals, such as:
- Find true confidence
- Improve social skills
- Understand women better
The majority of men who practice pickup will leave pickup eventually. Have you wondered what they do after? Pickup is just a period of life that nearly all men will grow out of. What do you gain from that experience? A great relationship, life style, or self-realization? They are all much more important than just sex.
Mark Manson, author, blogger, ex-Pickup Artist, is an inspiration for me. A good example of someone found higher purpose than sex and left pickup.